Omit unnecessary words
Wordy, dense construction is one of the biggest problems in government writing. Nothing is more confusing to the reader than long, complex sentences containing multiple phrases and clauses. Unnecessary words come in all shapes and sizes, and it’s difficult to put them into distinct categories. To address the problem, writers must become more critical of their own writing. They must consider whether they need every word.
One place to start working on this problem in your own writing is to watch out for “of,” “to,” “on,” and other prepositions. They often mark phases you can reduce to one or two words.
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Often, you can omit redundant words.
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| The X Department and the Y Department worked together on a joint project to improve … | The X and Y Departments worked on a project to improve … |
In this statement, you don’t need “joint.” You don’t even need “together.” Saying that X and Y worked on a project says it all. “Joint” and “together” are both redundant.
Similarly, we often use excess modifiers such as absolutely, actually, completely, really, quite, totally, and very. But if you take a close look, you’ll find that they often aren’t necessary, and may even be nonsensical.
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Their claim was totally unrealistic. It is particularly difficult to reconcile the somewhat differing views expressed by the management team. Total disclosure of all facts is very important to make sure we draw up a total and completely accurate picture of the Agency’s financial position. |
Their claim was absurd. It is difficult to reconcile the differing views expressed by the management team. Disclosing all facts is important to creating an accurate picture of the Agency’s financial position. |
Avoid doublets and triplets. English, especially legal forms, loves to repeat the same concept by using different words that say the same thing.
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Other ways to omit unnecessary words include eliminating hidden verbs, using pronouns, and using active voice. See the guidance on those three topics for more information.
Here’s an example that uses several of the techniques discussed above to cut a 54 word sentence down to 22 words, with no loss of meaning.
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| If the State Secretary finds that an individual has received a payment to which the individual was not entitled, whether or not the payment was due to the individual’s fault or misrepresentation, the individual shall be liable to repay to State the total sum of the payment to which the individual was not entitled. | If the State agency finds that you received a payment that you weren’t entitled to, you must pay the entire sum back. |
Omitting excess words can cut documents significantly. Be diligent in challenging every word your write, and eventually you will learn to write not only clearly, but concisely.
Sources
- Garner, Bryan A., Legal Writing in Plain English, 2001, University of Chicago Press, Chicago, pp. 43, 40, 34.
- Kimble, Joseph, Lifting the Fog of Legalese, Carolina Academic Press, 2006, Durham, NC, pp. 93, 170.
- Securities and Exchange Commission, Plain English Handbook, 1998, Securities and Exchange Commission, Washington, DC, p. 25.